when life throws obstacles your way, don’t just take the hit, fight back.
“That which doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.” – Friedrich Nietzsche
A cliche phrase heard countless times – often amongst moments of travesty and heartache.
Kelly Clarkson, and many others, even sung about this very phrase-honestly, who doesn’t love that song– showcasing the power it holds. Even in the movies we’ve watched -superheroes, coming of age, and romcoms- all provide the main character with the arc of loss and trauma.
It leaves us all to question: Why must we endure sorrow in order to prevail into our truest selves? Does pain have to happen in order for armor to be added to our heart? Why does it “have” to kill us in order to make us stronger?
There’s something about going through a tragedy that slowly projects us into looking within. It challenges us and everything we know. Things now seem differently and suddenly the version of a world we once saw has shifted into a new perspective.
This leads to hurt causing us to often break and fall into a shapeless mold. Whether the loss is family, a lover,or maybe even a friend. It becomes a pivotal moment that gravitates us into a place of fear. Don’t worry, sadness is there too, along with anger. The greatest emotion of all is the very thing that lingers in us all… loneliness.
When we’re alone – truly alone – is when the process begins. Because when we lose who we are, someone, or something. It’s normally that very factor that shapes us into who we are in some way. So when we say “I lost a piece of myself” we aren’t exactly lying. This moment of loss pushes us into the deepest part of ourselves. Someone we’ve yet to meet because we carried someone – or something- else in its place.
Loneliness is often dreaded because it makes us face all of our fears. When you’re alone there’s no sound to fill the silent void.
Making room for unwanted thoughts, doubts, and worries…
In this moment-which can last for days, weeks, or months- you will have come face to face with each one. You must confront these pieces of yourself.
The parts that were hidden and the ones you didn’t even know still held you hostage.
Then comes the choice.
It’s yours to decide whether this moment defines you-or breaks you further. Which is infuriating to have to choose at all. In this instant of complete vulnerability; you still have to find the willpower to show up for yourself. To discover whether you’ll be able to uncover a new path, or continue to follow the same tracks that lead you nowhere. If you choose to heal you will unlock yourself and become renewed. If you choose to stay in this loss- in the sadness -you will fall into a spiral and deeper into a rock bottom of darkness. It will be harder to escape as it threatens to consume you completely.
Just like me, you may think, can we not be weak and whole at the same time?
The greatest example I can give to this is the life of one of our many beloved protagonists, Katniss Everdeen. Her entire trajectory of life was full of grief, multiple dilemmas, and misfortune yet she prevailed a way forward.
She’s the definition of what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger to me. Her willingness to still fight, her acts of kindness, and still having hope.
All starting with a simple, “I volunteer as tribute,” a sacrifice that placed her into the shoes of someone she wasn’t ready to lose. Her sister. After that moment Katniss is truly alone. Forced to face a version of herself she wasn’t sure she was ready to meet.
The hunger games challenged her, fracturing her, and everyone she loved. Alas she managed to still come out standing-even on shaky ground. It’s admirable and truly empowering.
She had to make the choice to keep fighting for something new, or succumb to her old way of life. She chose healing, renewal, and resilience. A long tedious journey to show she was willing to rebuild. As she put it, “It takes ten times as long to put yourself back together as it does to fall apart.:”-Suzanne Collins
She fell weak at times and so will you- so have I. It is natural and unfortunately part of the process. It’s how you come back from this that makes the impact. We are still allowed to feel, to hurt, to cry, but do not let these emotions overcome you.
You are in control.
So, the phrase only holds as much power as we let it. Will you let a choice, action, or circumstance “kill” a part of you? Or will you rebuild and challenge yourself to not let the situations ahead determine your fate- your strength. . .
The metamorphosis that conspires when we are faced with trials and tribulations truly reshapes us. Its sudden impact can lead us to our own epiphanies. Forcing us to take a look inside ourselves, our purpose, and our values. All which can be the first step of healing, growth, change.
It places our priorities into a new outlook. Pushing us to further believe in ourselves all the while sharpening our faith.
When we’re placed in the face of adversity there is always a lesson following closely behind. With this lesson we unlock and learn something new within us. That we can overcome our circumstances, allowing it to add another layer to our being.
When you begin healing it pushes you to your limits- testing you. To see if you may falter, to see if you truly are ready, and to see if a change has truly conspired in you. This will happen continuously in the beginning until you realize everything will be alright.
You must trust the journey more than the doubts and worries that come your way. Troubles don’t last always.
Even though this act feels like a punishment- it strives only to further improve the development of shaping who we are. So just know mentally any impact that threatens to deter you-
Can only make you stronger- if you’re willing to let it!
“Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is where strength comes from.”- Greg Kincaid
I hope you know a Peace of Mind is a safe space. Please feel free to reach out, or utilize our mailbox if you need to “ship” away the thoughts that burden you.
If you ever feel thoughts that give you unwanted or persistent harmful ideas please reach out to Suicide & Crisis Life by calling or texting 988 for further assistance.
You do not have to go through this alone. There will always be someone that is here to listen and support you.
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